Squirrelled Away!

Sobriety Test!

Letter Of The day

I thought this was rather funny. Hope you do too!

Click on image to enlarge.

Peter Perfect's Birthday Poem - April 1993

He knows who he is!

He's D.I.Y.'d washed up and dried

And fixed that leaking tap

He's mowed the lawn and cut the hedge

And even had a crap

He's read three books on better Bridge

Whilst fixing faulty fuses

He thinks things through so carefully

Excepting when he loses!

Then he's like a lunatic

Wild eyed and don't you dare

As much as question that last card

Keep your head down and Beware!

If Sir is rattled, then look out

He suffers no fool gladly

And because he's fair that includes him

So I suffer when he's playing badly!

But Peter Perfect can't be changed

The years have failed to alter

His quest for reason and fair play

In that he will not falter,

Nor does his mood when in his mind

The balance is not quite right...

"Hey! Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose

Who really gives a shite?

It's playing games and having fun

And learning Bridge together."

"Fuck off! It's not, you stupid prick

It's winning - come whatever!!"

Wise Words

Baby – I Love You And Your Moustache

Baby, it grows on you
That knightly fringe
that adorns your upper lip
Proud, majestic, manly
Curling at the ends,
so arrogant a growth
Twitching,
tense at every move
Like whiskers on a cat
Feeling, knowing – so sure
Baby – I love you
And your moustache
But – couldn’t we see
A specialist
And ask if we
Could remove it
And put it
On a fella

1968

Sidewalk Blues – or Pavement Paranoia - 1968

The idle faces
of a disinterested human race
Tumble away like spilt evaporated cream
and die slowly in a council grid
Spotty-faced shop girls
with tight tops showing
And goofy uneven teeth
spread in their faces like pebbledash
Gurgle into boutiques
like the last of my bathwater
going down my plug

They struggle into clothes
meant for Twiggy & Shrimp
And without knowing it –
turn themselves into immediate cartoons
But not in colour.
I peep in and see their bottoms.
Shades spits them back out
to create more ugliness on the sidewalk
A road sweeper
accidentally throws one in his cart
And carries on risking his life
in the traffic of Church Street

The man outside Marks
has still got his blades for sale
But the growth on his chin
shows business in blades is bad
Red amber green - amber red amber green –
fatwomen everywhere
Suddenly a familiar face,
but you blink and she’s gone
Disappearing into a gaping doorway –
offering herself
To be financially assaulted in the BHS

Suddenly, as I watch,
everyone’s legs disappear
And hemlines drop like stones
and I feel sad
Women stumble everywhere
with awkward dresses
And faces to match –
but the fatwomen everywhere
Are happy and remember the old days
They rush to the cupboards
and pull out their drawers
And suddenly again
become stupid with the rest