If you have never heard this guy, I suggest you do a You Tube Search. He is fantastic!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
What I Really Mean!
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish.................................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic..............................No boobs
Average looking................Ugly
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..........On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first................Former slut
Fun....................................Annoying
Gentle...............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded...................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet...................................Depressive
Professional......................Bitch
Romantic..........................Frigid
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Large frame.....................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate.............Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
40-ish.................................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic..............................No boobs
Average looking................Ugly
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..........On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first................Former slut
Fun....................................Annoying
Gentle...............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded...................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet...................................Depressive
Professional......................Bitch
Romantic..........................Frigid
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Large frame.....................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate.............Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
Senior moments part 3 - Agnes and Mildred
Agnes and Mildred were getting ready to go out for their weekly game of bridge when Agnes noticed that Mildred had something odd in her ear.
"Why Mildred, I do believe you have got a suppository in your ear!" exclaimed Agnes.
"Aah!" said Mildred. "Now I know where my hearing aid is!"
"Why Mildred, I do believe you have got a suppository in your ear!" exclaimed Agnes.
"Aah!" said Mildred. "Now I know where my hearing aid is!"
Senior Moments Part 2 - Early signs
You start to call your best friend of 25 years "Thingy" (not yet)
You discover that your car has mysteriously parked itself on the other side of the road (no)
You can't remember any of the people in your photo albums (some!)
You sink your teeth into a steak and leave them there (got all my own)
You take to opening childproof caps with a hammer (nearly)
The list of things you hate outnumbers the list of things you like (yes)
You prefix every word with "little" - e.g. "I'll have a little lie down." "I'll just fix myself a little drink". etc... (don't do little drinks)
You begin laying the table for breakfast a 6 o' clock the previous evening (not yet)
Any news items containing the word "pension" attract your immediate attention (yep)
When you arrive at a party, you start planning the time of your departure (yep)
You start answering your phone when it rings on television (I do now and then!)
You are paying more attention to the government's advice on how to keep warm in winter (and looking forward to the winter heat allowance)
You discover that your car has mysteriously parked itself on the other side of the road (no)
You can't remember any of the people in your photo albums (some!)
You sink your teeth into a steak and leave them there (got all my own)
You take to opening childproof caps with a hammer (nearly)
The list of things you hate outnumbers the list of things you like (yes)
You prefix every word with "little" - e.g. "I'll have a little lie down." "I'll just fix myself a little drink". etc... (don't do little drinks)
You begin laying the table for breakfast a 6 o' clock the previous evening (not yet)
Any news items containing the word "pension" attract your immediate attention (yep)
When you arrive at a party, you start planning the time of your departure (yep)
You start answering your phone when it rings on television (I do now and then!)
You are paying more attention to the government's advice on how to keep warm in winter (and looking forward to the winter heat allowance)
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